Breaking Down Satire: Chekhov’s Gun

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blood phoenix saga, blood phoenix: claimed, blood phoenix: rebirth, Breaking Down Satire, Chekhov's Gun, false premises, foreshadowing, literary device, the broken world series, writing payoff

Chekhov’s Gun comes from the saying, “If in Act I, you have a pistol hanging on the wall, then it must fire in the last act,” although the version I heard was a bit different as it featured a table instead of a wall, and many variations exist. In any case, the lesson comes in foreshadowing and cohesion, and Anton Chekhov’s point was that every element introduced in a story should serve a function.

Essentially, Chekhov’s Gun means not making false promises or creating red herrings by introducing important details, elements, or themes without following through with a purpose for it. Why note it otherwise? Often mixed up with foreshadowing, which hints or makes a reader aware of a specific element or detail but doesn’t bring special attention to it.

But let’s clear up one more thing: Every single plot point or detail does not need to be massively meaningful. The blue curtains might not mean melancholy or depression, as I’ve heard so many students groan when we analyze stories in class. The elements or items must play a significant role when presented in a dramatic way or receives special focus.

 

More interestingly, Chekhov’s Gun does not have to be an item like a gun. Scenes, memories, and characters quirks, etc. can all be used in tandem to propel a story forward, and to keep from confusing readers, false guns should be eradicated. Even if they’re your darlings.

Personally, I come across these when I’m stuck writing. Details I don’t know are significant until I have a hurdle to get over often reveals a gun I didn’t know I placed on the wall—or table in my case—and my subconscious is far smarter than I like to give it credit for.

Okay, before I delve into my own uses too deeply (am I setting myself up here or what?), I want to show how this links to satire. Well, typically that focal point reflects the main cause for criticism. We take special note of facts, characters, and events in satire, so we highlight them in dramatic ways in order to make our arguments.

 

For instance, control is one of my big-hitter satirical notes as a sister to conformity. Once Ria wakes up as a vampire, she attacks her maker, drinking his blood and receiving a lecture about how his blood will not benefit her. Well, this serves two gun-like purposes.

One, control plays up throughout book one, but in a big moment, when Ria’s captured and held by the Assetato, they feed her a little girl. The on-going practice of wrangling her hunger, of maintaining control over the new animal inside of her, and trying not to hurt humans comes to a culmination when the child is offered to her. This also hits that satirical note of not letting what others do to her control her actions. She’s strong-minded and individual, and she will not conform. It’s a pretty consistent theme for me in each story I write, but it manifests in several, different ways.

And two, the emphasis on the benefits of paranormal blood becomes a serious issue in book two, CLAIMED, and if I’m being super honest, for the rest of the series, it grows into something that keeps control over her. See what I did there? Okay, cheekiness aside, her need for paranormal blood means a couple of drawbacks: she’ll need consistent volunteers—okay, maybe not a complete drawback given the three men in her life—and it also marks her as the anomaly she is. The scary bit is coming in book four, which I’ve just started drafting.

Much like the need and the control, this is a double-whammy gun moment. But Ria’s worst fears from the end of REBIRTH, book one, will finally come to fruition. Her secrets are going to be revealed, and she’s going to suffer the consequences of her birth. It should be an interesting and nasty experience.

Over the years, I’ve gotten a better handle on Chekhov’s Gun, but I wasn’t always so great at it. Naturally, writers seems to use this technique in some way to create twists and turns in a plot, but we certainly can generate more impact when we understand the usefulness of hanging that gun on the wall in Act I.

 

Let me know what you think of Chekhov’s Gun and how you use it in the comments below!

Happy reading and writing y’all.

Breaking Down Satire: Satirical Violence

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blood phoenix saga, Breaking Down Satire, derision, irony, sarcasm, sarchasm, satirical elements, satirical violence, vampires, wit

Often, when people talk about violence and satire, they’re discussing the violent acts within a text, especially video games.

Well, that’s not what satirical violence means. It’s when the subject is treated violently.

Since satire can have a wide range of tones and varying strengths of attack, violence can be considered one of the more cutting instruments in the tool box.

To clarify—or re-clarify—the purpose of satire is to ridicule human folly and vice through irony, derision, or wit, or my preference, sarcasm. So, violence takes that ridicule to an extreme.

One of my favorite examples of this is South Park: think “Raising the Bar,” how the present Barbara Streisand, “Taming Strange,” and “Go Fund Yourself,” amongst many, many more. The way they handle their subjects tend to be extreme to hammer their points home. Or so I assume. I may practice analysis for a living, but I will never claim to actually know the intent of an author. With that out of the way, let me provide an example where I do know the writer’s intent.

In nearly every one of my stories and novels, I make an attack on conformity. It’s my leading satirical note, and I hit it pretty viciously. One of the things I hammer is conforming to any group’s ideals—not just the leading ones.

Why? Because conformity means following without understanding one’s actions or behaviors. It eliminates original thought, which keeps people from analyzing messages completely.  Again, this is something I teach, and my favorite way to teach it is by presenting ideas that are not my own, playing devil’s advocate, and presenting interesting texts for examination since I don’t want to create twenty-four or forty-eight or ninety-six Alisha clones. Please, one of me is enough. I simply want individuals who can think for themselves and to seek out information on topics from multiple perspectives.

That’s the interesting thing about Ria, specifically, in my Blood Phoenix novels. Constantly, she’s reminded that the Assetato and the Celampresians are evil paranormal groups. One clearly claims good over the other, but both complete evil acts for the sake of their own goals. However, good and bad exist on both sides. The whole of one group cannot be defined by particular members of it.

The reason I call it satirical violence is because this lack of conformity gets her in a lot of trouble, and consistently. Most often, Ria’s right. Like when she refused to kill her victims, when she rebelled against those who kept her in a cage and fed her a child, when she refuses to show her fear of the queen vampire, when she helps a new renegade adjust, when she chose to surround herself with humans…I mean, I could list more, but I think I’ve made my point.

Violence is an important, and often misunderstood, characteristic of satire. It’s also one to be careful with as it can polarize more than the deftly crafted story will.

 

 

A Flip Through My Writing Bullet Journal

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bullet journal, character archetypes, dungeons and dragons alignments, myers-briggs personality types, plot archetypes, plot twists, writer's bullet journal, writing motivation, writing spreads, yearly projects

Hello, lovelies.

I wanted to share a flip through of my writing notebook.

If you’d like to watch my flip through instead, check out the video below:

So, I got this notebook for five dollars–well, my mom bought the notebook (thanks mom!)–and decided to keep writing spreads and notes in one place rather than throughout years of bullet journals.

First is my year’s projects at a glance:

Right now, I have all coral sticky notes for 2019. And already, I can tell you I’m behind on January in two places, but I should catch up with one by the end of the month.

This is the awesome thing about sticky notes, I can replace, adjust, and remove, etc., as I need. And I use this spread for that purpose–to visually revise after the year has started.

I got these next two spreads from Rachael Stephen‘s YouTube channel: The Harmon’s Plot Embryo and the Tragic Embryo. I find both of these helpful when brainstorming and the first stages of plotting. The tragic structure works better for short stories for me. I like happy-ish endings for novels and series, but I prefer to leave readers devastated at the end of something short.

Next, I begin the three-act structure notes from well-storied. I’ve only begun plotting and planning instead of a hundred percent pantsing since this has made it dramatically improved my speed in drafting and edited. Granted, I miss things in my outlines and have to shift for those pantsing moments.

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The next few spreads came from Boho Berry–a bullet journal YouTube personality–when she did her first round of NaNoWriMo. There’s probably some typos in here because, honestly, I take notes when I’m exhausted, and I copied them word for word. I’m all right with it.

These help for both planning and breaking through writer’s block, especially when I pair them with the Dungeons & Dragons alignments. Again, more typos with neutral. I know. I get tired. I’m not fixing it. We’ll all survive, right?

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I got another personality breakdown from Rachael Stephen since seeing them presented differently can jar ideas free.

Finally, I have a plot twists spread from greatstorybook.com

Welp, that’s what I’ve got. For now.

I’ll update y’all as I add things.

Stay tuned for my monthly update and review next week and tell me what kind of writing advice or tips you like to collect and how!

 

 

Plan With Me: January 2019

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breaking down goals, bullet journal, business planning, editorial calendar, Jacquelin Deleon, master task list, monthly goals, plan with me, publishing, writing goals

My planning style hasn’t changed much over the course of 2018, and I don’t see much need for changing the majority of it at the moment. Although, I am excited to see if any of my projects require new additions to my monthlies and weekly spreads. If you’d like to see me talk through the process and watch me mark up my journal with pen and markers, please check out my companion video.

 

I do still plan to include artwork at the front of each month, even though I didn’t have time for November and December’s coloring pages. But, since my mom is buying me a color printer for Christmas, I’m going to make it easier on myself—and give myself more options—and print art that I like for my bullet journal, which I got between filming and posting, so here’s what I have for my January cover art. This is a piece by Jacquelin Deleon, which I printed on sticker paper and stuck in my journal. She shows off a lot of her beautiful art on YouTube. Check her out.

First, I have my monthly calendar. This is to record holidays and birthdays and other important dates should I need them. Often, it remains pretty blank, like it is here, but December was full with five birthdays, the holiday season, and finals. But I also like the new addition of a word or phrase for the month. This month, it’s brave creativity. I chose this to remind myself not only to write and create, but to take chances and not miss out on opportunities.

Next is my master tasks list and monthly breakdown. Along the left, I have all of the projects I’m working on for January, pulled from my quarterly goals and plan. Within the boxes—business, author, and school/home—I give those actions that have specific dates their spot so that I can plan out the rest. Part of these are pulled from my editorial calendar on the next page, but only those posts that I need to draft for my own blog. I also decided to add my word count goals on each Sunday in my Author section to keep an additional reminder that I should be writing.

Finally, I’ve drawn out my editorial calendar. Notice, three calendars in a row. Seems redundant, but they all serve a different purpose. Hence, why I can’t use a regular planner. Too crowded. And talking about crowded, see how full this beast is? It’s going to stay that way for a while, too, as my business partner and I push to grow our business, which means more publications, more authors, and more marketing.

I used to keep track of all the videos and Instagram posts I wanted to complete as well, but I never got around to them. They took up too much time and space in my journal, so I nixed them this go around. Although one of my goals is to post more on Instagram, I don’t think this calendar is the right place for me to plan that out. I haven’t figured out what to include for this goal—or several of my others—but when I do, I promise to share.

 

I will be creating more plan with me blogs and videos for those who want to write more, read more, create more, self-publish, market plan, and the like.

How do you plan out your projects and busy lives? Leave me your ideas, tips and tricks, or questions below!

Breaking Down Satire: Hyperbole, Exaggeration, & Understatement

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absolute equality, Breaking Down Satire, child slave labor, exaggeration examples, Harrison Bergeron by Kurt Vonnegut Jr., hyperbole explained, satirical elements, The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas by Ursula K le Guin, understatement, writing process

Hyperbole is one of the best ways to create a satirical message as the majority of an audience can easily understand exaggeration. This is because it is meant to generate strong feelings or effect. And there’s a good chance that hyperbole will catch a reader’s attention.

Besides, readers are attracted to this type of language because we use hyperbole in our everyday speech, especially in our youth: I’m so hungry I could eat a horse or my mom is going to kill me.

And we all have the natural tendency to exaggerate as it makes our stories funnier and more dramatic. This is how we create characters that are larger than life. We can focus on particular causes or issues without needing to delve into the far-reaching complexities of the real world. If satire does nothing else, it certainly means to make a specific point, so hyperbole is supremely helpful.

One of my favorite examples is in “Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut Jr., which is probably why I teach it every semester. The themes of equality and Communism are exaggerated to create an extremely oppressed society. Forced to be the same as the lowest-common denominator, progress stalls, people are tortured, and no one bats an eye at the live execution that takes place on television.

Even better is the depiction of Harrison as a character. A behemoth at seven-foot tall with super strength and smarts and good looks that would put Thor to shame. When he chooses his Empress—after prematurely claiming his rule as Emperor by stamping his foot and threatening those in the TV studio—the two of them dance and leap to the touch the ceiling, and defy gravity by hovering there for minutes, kissing.

Well, this exaggeration serves two purposes: one, to indicate how even in an oppressed society, evolution will still create strong offspring to advance a species. No dictatorship can squash this completely. And two, to show how when grace, intelligence, and beauty are suppressed, any hint at true talent will seem miraculous. This plays well into his overall message that absolute equality is not possible.

On the other side, understatement expresses an idea with less strength than expected. Again, we use these often in our daily lives: I’ll be there in one second or this won’t hurt one bit.

This creates a casual or offhanded message about something quite serious.

Once again, I gleam an example from the stories I teach in class, this time in “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” by Ursula K. Le Guin. She goes to great length to establish a utopia. In fact, she takes half the story to convince us that this place, Omelas, can exist, which sets up her message well.

In one last ditch effort to make believers out of us, she casually gives us the image of a naked child in a basement closet, festering in his excrement, barely eating, and shown no kindness. He is the trade that the people make for their luxuriously happy lives. And he’s shown to us in an offhanded way that tells the audience how the people need to think of him in order to maintain said happiness.

The understatement comes in how much focus she imparts on the people and their needs and psyches rather than the child’s and creates a perfect metaphor for first-world problems verses third-world problems, how societies are built off of stomping on others, like the trend of companies utilizing overseas sweatshops and child slave labor to provide us with cheap and easily accessible products. (By us, I’m speaking personally as a lower-middle-class American). In fact, one of my favorite examples is Apple, who put nets around their Chinese factories to keep workers from killing themselves. I’m sure if you do a quickie internet search, you’ll find more examples of this than you can stomach for the companies you buy from, which is why I advocate for voting with your dollar.

Okay, that’s hyperbole/exaggeration and understatement and a great way to launch this year’s focus on satirical elements and tools.

I hope you join me next month for satirical violence.

 

In the meantime, leave me your favorite hyperbolic or understated expressions and examples in the comments below.

Planning for the New Year: business, writing, and life

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2019 planner set up, author planning, bullet journal, business planning, plan with me, project tracker, publishing press, quarter one goals, word count tracker, writing goals

I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally set up for my next year in my bullet journal. Y’all, I’ve been working on this since early November, trying to decide what I did right and where I went wrong in 2018, and what was purely out of my control that I could create allowances for next year.

And if you’d rather hear me talk about my process and watch me speed through writing in my journal, feel free to jump over to YouTube instead.

 

So first, I have my Level 10 Life. I do this every year, and I like to gauge how my work has filtered out into the different parts of my life. I love making circles with my moxedori stencil. Filling in circles makes me happier than checking off boxes for some reason. You can see, I’ve been pretty consistent trying to raise each of the areas in my life.

And I use the stencil again on my next spread, making circles for my project trackers. I’ve split them between my writing goals and my editing goals for the year.

They’re lofty, but so were last year’s. Here’s a photo of what I accomplished.

I’ve got three of the projects plotted out already and will fill in the AIR progress in my 2018 bullet journal and the rest of CONDUITS, which is scheduled for January.

Next, I have my overall goals for 2019.

As you can see, those circles from the last page only take up a little bit of my overall yearly goals, but like the visualization of my creative works broken down that way. Writing and editing is the fun part of running a publishing press, but I have a lot of goals that require more grueling research and administrative tasks, which fill out the rest of this page.

On the second page, I’ve listed my personal goals, like learning how to composite art for graphic design and cover creation, which have been goals of mine for a long time. I’m getting better. I also have some nice fitness goals, which I’m super excited about. I’ve just gotten my husband a power tower for his birthday, and he’s teaching me how to do assisted pull ups at the moment. Man, my back is sore from that, but I can’t wait to do a full pull up on my own. I’m also looking forward to pushing myself through a 5k—and I’m almost there—which I never thought I’d say with genuine enthusiasm. Seriously, had you asked me seven years ago when I first started lifting those heavy-ass five-pound weights, if I’d ever enjoy running, I’d have laughed in your face. Spittle and all. But now…the change is interesting.

For the next couple of spreads, I’ve set up the pages to outline and brainstorm my writing projects for the year. I have the novels in their own traveler’s notebooks, which I can crack open and share if anyone’s interested in seeing the whole project planning process for writing, editing, publishing, and marketing, let me know. I’d be happy to share.

I even have two pages for next year’s shorts, so I can plan or drop notes as I think of them.

Finally, I have a spot for some online courses that my husband as been advising me to make. We’ll see how this goes. I have some fun ideas for it to span amongst all of the writing levels I encounter now (remedial writing to polished creative writing).

Okay, yes, I’m a dork, but I feel that planning out at least five years in advance for my business keeps me more on the ball. (And you should really see my writing plan, which is scheduled out to 2031. Yes. Really.)

It takes me a long time to plan these out, and I have boards and sheets, and LOTS of color coding that goes into the lists here, which are quite bare and minimal, even though it doesn’t seem like it.

Here, I’m listing my personal and author blog plan. Again, I have a lot of other paper that got me here, and a year-long plan of marketing set up in its own traveler’s notebook.

Next, I have really simple set-ups for books I plan to read this year. I only have eleven, which used to be what I would read in a couple weeks, but now, I read so much for both of my jobs that it’s impossible to read for pleasure a lot of the time. Or maybe I just feel guilty for not being productive. I don’t know.

And beside it, I have a minimal spread for my yearly word count tracker. I plan to list my goal verses actual word count, and keeping a running total.

Then, I have a brainstorm spread for my website and book rebrands. I launched a new site last year with my new logo and need to add a LOT to it. I also plan to give my press website a revamp, but not an overhaul like my author site.

Now, I’m into quarter planning before my January set-up. I used these pages last year and found them helpful—when I remembered to fill them out. After I got sick, it just seemed like another task that took time I could be spending catching up. Now that I am, it will be useful to keep me on track.

Here are my stats and sales pages along with my future log. I track a lot of sites and online presence since I’ve made my mom a website and built her a store as well. She designs and crafts stained glass pieces, and her beautiful work made it easy to build an attractive site. Surely, this isn’t a shameless plug to get you to look at her work. No. I wouldn’t do that for my mom… (here’s the link).

Finally, I have my quarter one goals and project plans to set-up for the months ahead.

You can see that the same projects pop up a lot, and this is how I really break down the steps and keep myself accountable. Motivation has little to do with it sometimes. It’s planning well and sticking the nose to the grindstone. And that’s what I’m off to do!

 

I will be creating more plan with me blogs and videos for those who want to write more, read more, create more, self-publish, market plan, and the like.

How do you plan out your projects and busy busy lives? Leave me your ideas, tips and tricks, or questions below!

Editing Advice: Show Verses Tell

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editing advice, editing tips, show don't tell, show vs tell, step-by-step telling, telling words, The Writing Process, Transmundane Press, writing advice, writing tips

Oh, the old, repetitive adage we all hear through the entirety of our writing careers.

I’m guilty of this, saying show me, don’t tell me. Show me. Don’t tell me.

Image (c) Matthew Loffhagen

So, how do we do this?

First, we have what I deem simply as telling words. They’re thus: feel, felt, saw, looked, smelled, thought, wondered, found, touched, knew, and noticed. 99.99% of the time, these indicate telling.

Here are a few examples of them in action:

She wondered if he liked the color blue. / Would he like this in blue? Does he like blue?

 He saw the forest looming in the distance. / The forest loomed in the distance.

 I felt disgusted at the sight. / The bloated, dead deer twisted my gut with nausea.

Essentially, we’re trying to put the reader into the experience rather than telling them about it. This often creates first person/close third conditions—the most popular forms of storytelling, but even if a narrator is providing the reader with a story, they can draw the reader in with the same techniques as distant third and omniscient.

Now, other forms of telling are a bit harder to identify. However, we need to keep in mind that readers are smart, so when we show the character within the world, we don’t need to explain it to our readers.

For example, Silvia’s palms grew sweaty every time John got close. Her attraction to him made her nervous.

Note how her sweaty palms and his proximity impliesher attraction to him, and given the context of a story or setting and internal dialogue, we don’t need to hold up a sign and scream, “Hey, did you get it?”

I do want to mention that telling has its purpose, we need it to get through the boring parts of the story, to get us along to the exciting scenes.

For instance, we don’t want to describe the wake up, morning routine, and drive to work before we get to the stack of paperwork piled on our poor character’s plate and her impending breakdown from it. Spending time on this type of action would need a function, like creating internal turmoil, but it certainly shouldn’t last too long.

Instead, jump into that scene and her breakdown and tell while you show, because I’m sure she’ll reflect on how she dreaded every minute of her prep to get there in scene.

For instance, if this breakdown comes at the beginning of a story, the telling would come in her thoughts:

I knew it. Another damn stack of paperwork. The impending doom ticked with every second from the moment my alarm went off to finishing breakfast, from brushing my teeth to the stop-and-go on the highway to get here. And I knew it when that musty blast of AC clogged my nose as I pushed my way into the building.

This is telling, yes, because we don’t walk through every step with the character, but imagine if this took, let’s say, two to seven pages. (I’ve seen longer.) It would be really hard to keep the tension and interest of the reader. I deem this step-by-step telling.

Let’s take a brief peek at what this looks like:

I got up at six a.m. when my alarm went off, groaning about my stupid desk job. The floor was cold under my feet as I put each on the carpet-less floor. Tugging my nightie around myself, I shuffled to the closet to get my robe and rubbed my arms until some warmth returned. I walked to the bathroom to pee before I made breakfast.

I pulled the pan from the bottom, right cupboard and the butter from the fridge door…

And is this growing tedious yet? Are you asking, so what? What’s the point? Where’s the story?

But it’s showing. Full of details and images and actions, but this is the boring stuff, the stuff we can leave implied or simplified. Need a character to go upstairs? Don’t show him taking them, just show that he moved (on the second floor…in his bedroom…on the balcony…), and the reader will know that he must have gone up those stairs.

 

Try it out in your current WIP and share the changes below. I’d love to see what you come up with.

 

 

Editing Advice: Over Describing

Tags

character details, character development, interacting with scene, narrative telling, over describing, show don't tell, step-by-step action, The Writing Process, writing props, writing tips

Yes, I’m treading into dreaded territory again. Our favorite axiom as writers: show, don’t tell.

Well, I hate to make it more complicated, but sometimes, showing too much becomes telling.

I could show this to you in a lot of ways, but let’s hone in on one: dropping too many details all at once.

Now, it’s easy to admit that I have issues with scene development. I’m not a fan of dumping all of the spatial information right up front unless it directly connects with the tension. Instead, I like to suggest filtering details through a scene so that the characters can interact with what’s around them rather than being told what’s where.

This is part of stylistic preference, and I don’t want to tell anyone that theirs is wrong. It’s just the way I prefer to both write and interact with the story as a reader.

But let me delve even deeper to one of my giant pet peeves—something that affects the trifecta of writer, reader, and editor. I’m serious; I skim past this stuff when it’s in a book, and I hate the waste of words.

That’s the uber-detailed depiction of a character. Eye color, hair color, skin color, height, weight, clothes and the way they fit, shoes, nail color, their half-hearted smile and cupid lips, the button nose…are you getting sick of me listing details yet? I’m sure sick of it.

My feelings aside, I’ve read some interesting research and heard theories from countless writing professors that say the same thing. Too many details like this all at once creates a blank spot in our memories for the character because we can’t remember them all. They get jumbled together with all of the other characters and their giant lists of features.

The best way to circumvent this is to pick and choose which details set the character apart from the others.

A character with rainbow eyes? Sure, mention those. That’s not typical.

A scar on their lip. Go for it.

Are they always flipping their hair from their eyes to no avail?

Got a ring on their finger that they turn when they’re anxious or nervous?

Their height make them loom over everyone?

Always tugging at the cuffs on their shirt?

See how these create images, props as they were, to identify a character without the whole shebang? Pair these with their distinct attitude as described by their dialect and general actions, and this is an excellent way to develop character without relying on over description. But be sure to use them with purpose.

Besides, readers are smart and fill in a lot of the blanks themselves. The way I imagine Boden isn’t the same as the way every reader I’ve come in contact with does. And you know what, I’m okay with that. Their version involves them in my world. I’m honored they want to spend time there.

My last note, over description can happen in action as well. Something I often refer to as step-by-step action. The needless description of every movement a character makes to be sure we see it exactly as the writer does. Let’s just say, it becomes telling real quick.

Let me know if you want a full review of this in a future post. I’m sure I can go on about it for a while.

Got a way you love to identify your characters? Share them in the comments below!

Editing Advice: Do Verses Don’t Do

Tags

active characters, breaking rules, character depth, dialogue, editing advice, internal reflection, show verses tell, Transmundane Press, writing advice, writing rules

Oh my, yes, that title does make one pucker, doesn’t it?

Well, it’s not quite what you think. I’m not here to provide a long list of things you should or should not be doing. Instead, I want to talk about making characters act (do) rather than telling the reader what they didn’t do. See? Super simple.

Dialogue, or a lack thereof, is typically where I find this problem creeping up, often to indicate silence. Like so:

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

He said nothing.

Or He didn’t reply.

This is telling because if we don’t see him say anything, we know he didn’t say anything. This is a wonderful opportunity to create character and drop a detail, which I have a habit of referencing. In case you didn’t notice, it’s one of my favorite pieces of advice.

Let’s revise:

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

Blank shock widened his eyes before his brow crinkled and the worries I’d been holding instead pinched his features in a frenzy.

I hope the difference is evident, but I want to point out how we both see the emotion on his face as well as get an internal reflection from the POV character. An active interpretation of his reaction creates more depth for them both.

Now, let me clarify. Every so-called rule has an equally valid reason to break it.

This also comes with creating an internal reaction by allowing reflection to pause between pieces of dialogue. For example:

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

 I expected him to swear, to ask me if it was his, to call me a whore and stomp away, but he reached for my hand instead.

“Just tell me what you need from me.”

Besides the cheese, this creates expectations from the POV character and sets up the shock of reality when he actually responds.

Less commonly—although commonly enough—we see this happening in action, too.

Anthony even drew me this lovely reference picture during one of our meetings with:

I think it’d been the fourth or fifth story we’d seen this happen in that night.

And the example was something along the lines of: She didn’t spare a glance backwards, running with long, practiced strides. (Sorry if this is from your story and I butchered it).

Of course, we’d edit it down to: She ran with long, practiced strides.

If we don’t see her look back, we know she didn’t do it.

One of the others that creates a similar show/tell issue is silence. Man, this one gets a lot of authors.

They were silent. He remained silent. There was nothing but silence.

I’ve seen it in a lot of ways, and we have plenty of options to transform this into showing instead. My favorite, of course, is personification: Every second of silence sliced another layer of confidence away.

But any form of dropping in sensory details or an internal reaction will improve on this silence.

So, there’s an editing tip from the Transmundane Press style book.

Got any don’t do scenarios in your WIP? Show me your changes in the comments below.

Personification: a Personal Favorite

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creating action, creating depth, creating imagery, creating scene, literary device, personification, strong images, transform weak langauge, writing advice, writing tips

Probably one of my favorite and one of the most utilized literary device in my bag—alliteration is likely the top—Personification is a helpful little pixie, amplifying feeling and imagery and depth in a scene with a little magic.

Some of my favorite edits in a story, mine or otherwise, have transformed weak language into strong images, especially those that use to-be verbs or a lot of step-by-step action. Personification is my go-to fix for these, like:

Ria fell, banging her chin on the ground, verses, The ground jumped up to kiss Ria on the chin.

She dreaded this moment, verses, Dread sank its nails into my chest, piggy-backing across my shoulders and ribs.

He was in love, verses, Love ate at his insides, bloating it with rotten flesh and a swarm of maggots.

 

Now, I don’t feel as though any lesson I give would add much to what’s currently out there, so what I wanted to do was showcase how beautiful and powerful personification can be with some examples.

The cave sneered at us with the promise of pain.

Wind’s wails cursed us.

The Ferris wheel’s eye tore open my soul, ravaging my insides and scattering them about the small carnival.

My computer throws a fit every time I try to use it. 

Thunder grumbled like an old man. 

The Scottish Highlands called my wolf from its hiding place.

I could likely go on and on and on and on…but I think you get my point. When you’re working through your WIP, give personification a chance.

 

Share your favorite uses of personification in the comments below and let me know what your favorite literary device is to use.