Editing Advice: Over Describing

Tags

character details, character development, interacting with scene, narrative telling, over describing, show don't tell, step-by-step action, The Writing Process, writing props, writing tips

Yes, I’m treading into dreaded territory again. Our favorite axiom as writers: show, don’t tell.

Well, I hate to make it more complicated, but sometimes, showing too much becomes telling.

I could show this to you in a lot of ways, but let’s hone in on one: dropping too many details all at once.

Now, it’s easy to admit that I have issues with scene development. I’m not a fan of dumping all of the spatial information right up front unless it directly connects with the tension. Instead, I like to suggest filtering details through a scene so that the characters can interact with what’s around them rather than being told what’s where.

This is part of stylistic preference, and I don’t want to tell anyone that theirs is wrong. It’s just the way I prefer to both write and interact with the story as a reader.

But let me delve even deeper to one of my giant pet peeves—something that affects the trifecta of writer, reader, and editor. I’m serious; I skim past this stuff when it’s in a book, and I hate the waste of words.

That’s the uber-detailed depiction of a character. Eye color, hair color, skin color, height, weight, clothes and the way they fit, shoes, nail color, their half-hearted smile and cupid lips, the button nose…are you getting sick of me listing details yet? I’m sure sick of it.

My feelings aside, I’ve read some interesting research and heard theories from countless writing professors that say the same thing. Too many details like this all at once creates a blank spot in our memories for the character because we can’t remember them all. They get jumbled together with all of the other characters and their giant lists of features.

The best way to circumvent this is to pick and choose which details set the character apart from the others.

A character with rainbow eyes? Sure, mention those. That’s not typical.

A scar on their lip. Go for it.

Are they always flipping their hair from their eyes to no avail?

Got a ring on their finger that they turn when they’re anxious or nervous?

Their height make them loom over everyone?

Always tugging at the cuffs on their shirt?

See how these create images, props as they were, to identify a character without the whole shebang? Pair these with their distinct attitude as described by their dialect and general actions, and this is an excellent way to develop character without relying on over description. But be sure to use them with purpose.

Besides, readers are smart and fill in a lot of the blanks themselves. The way I imagine Boden isn’t the same as the way every reader I’ve come in contact with does. And you know what, I’m okay with that. Their version involves them in my world. I’m honored they want to spend time there.

My last note, over description can happen in action as well. Something I often refer to as step-by-step action. The needless description of every movement a character makes to be sure we see it exactly as the writer does. Let’s just say, it becomes telling real quick.

Let me know if you want a full review of this in a future post. I’m sure I can go on about it for a while.

Got a way you love to identify your characters? Share them in the comments below!

Editing Advice: Do Verses Don’t Do

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active characters, breaking rules, character depth, dialogue, editing advice, internal reflection, show verses tell, Transmundane Press, writing advice, writing rules

Oh my, yes, that title does make one pucker, doesn’t it?

Well, it’s not quite what you think. I’m not here to provide a long list of things you should or should not be doing. Instead, I want to talk about making characters act (do) rather than telling the reader what they didn’t do. See? Super simple.

Dialogue, or a lack thereof, is typically where I find this problem creeping up, often to indicate silence. Like so:

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

He said nothing.

Or He didn’t reply.

This is telling because if we don’t see him say anything, we know he didn’t say anything. This is a wonderful opportunity to create character and drop a detail, which I have a habit of referencing. In case you didn’t notice, it’s one of my favorite pieces of advice.

Let’s revise:

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

Blank shock widened his eyes before his brow crinkled and the worries I’d been holding instead pinched his features in a frenzy.

I hope the difference is evident, but I want to point out how we both see the emotion on his face as well as get an internal reflection from the POV character. An active interpretation of his reaction creates more depth for them both.

Now, let me clarify. Every so-called rule has an equally valid reason to break it.

This also comes with creating an internal reaction by allowing reflection to pause between pieces of dialogue. For example:

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

 I expected him to swear, to ask me if it was his, to call me a whore and stomp away, but he reached for my hand instead.

“Just tell me what you need from me.”

Besides the cheese, this creates expectations from the POV character and sets up the shock of reality when he actually responds.

Less commonly—although commonly enough—we see this happening in action, too.

Anthony even drew me this lovely reference picture during one of our meetings with:

I think it’d been the fourth or fifth story we’d seen this happen in that night.

And the example was something along the lines of: She didn’t spare a glance backwards, running with long, practiced strides. (Sorry if this is from your story and I butchered it).

Of course, we’d edit it down to: She ran with long, practiced strides.

If we don’t see her look back, we know she didn’t do it.

One of the others that creates a similar show/tell issue is silence. Man, this one gets a lot of authors.

They were silent. He remained silent. There was nothing but silence.

I’ve seen it in a lot of ways, and we have plenty of options to transform this into showing instead. My favorite, of course, is personification: Every second of silence sliced another layer of confidence away.

But any form of dropping in sensory details or an internal reaction will improve on this silence.

So, there’s an editing tip from the Transmundane Press style book.

Got any don’t do scenarios in your WIP? Show me your changes in the comments below.

Personification: a Personal Favorite

Tags

creating action, creating depth, creating imagery, creating scene, literary device, personification, strong images, transform weak langauge, writing advice, writing tips

Probably one of my favorite and one of the most utilized literary device in my bag—alliteration is likely the top—Personification is a helpful little pixie, amplifying feeling and imagery and depth in a scene with a little magic.

Some of my favorite edits in a story, mine or otherwise, have transformed weak language into strong images, especially those that use to-be verbs or a lot of step-by-step action. Personification is my go-to fix for these, like:

Ria fell, banging her chin on the ground, verses, The ground jumped up to kiss Ria on the chin.

She dreaded this moment, verses, Dread sank its nails into my chest, piggy-backing across my shoulders and ribs.

He was in love, verses, Love ate at his insides, bloating it with rotten flesh and a swarm of maggots.

 

Now, I don’t feel as though any lesson I give would add much to what’s currently out there, so what I wanted to do was showcase how beautiful and powerful personification can be with some examples.

The cave sneered at us with the promise of pain.

Wind’s wails cursed us.

The Ferris wheel’s eye tore open my soul, ravaging my insides and scattering them about the small carnival.

My computer throws a fit every time I try to use it. 

Thunder grumbled like an old man. 

The Scottish Highlands called my wolf from its hiding place.

I could likely go on and on and on and on…but I think you get my point. When you’re working through your WIP, give personification a chance.

 

Share your favorite uses of personification in the comments below and let me know what your favorite literary device is to use.

NaNoWriMo Update,Take Two

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author, fantasy, Loving Red, must read, NaNoWriMo, paranormal, works in progress, writer's block, writing

So, here I am, traveling again, and wouldn’t you guess it, I’ve written diddly squat.

This means I need a plan.

And that is early morning writing sprints. Before the real commitments of my day smack the creativity from my life, I need to plant it and write.

I know. I know. That’s what I said last week, but you know what it’s like to visit with family. Plans and people become the priority. Well, writing needs to shift back up there, and do it will, even if I have to wake up extra early to get it there.

So, bear and little red, I’m coming for you.

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Tell me about your struggles and triumphs, and I’d love to hear about your WIP, regardless of the stage you’re in.

Camp NaNoWriMo: Week One Update

Tags

Behind Schedule, Loving Red, NaNoWriMo, Project Completion, project planning, Travel Writing, WIP, writer's block, writing goals

Hey, lovelies.

I’m almost a week into Camp NaNoWriMo, and I’m already behind. 

This isn’t much of a surprise, however, as I worked a one-day show with my mother for July 4th, which meant two days to drive, set up, open, close, break down, and drive back. Disassembling the tent was a bit of a rush with the thunder and lightning threatening us the entire hour (it takes us two or more to pack up, usually).

So, I’m behind two days. Fortunately, that only means 1,300 words to make up, which I can more than do by the end of the month—and maybe even the week.

Thankfully, I pushed past a mild block to hit a bit more than my word count.

Now, with a nine-year-old over for the night, five other project vying for my attention, and another big two-day travel coming next week, I’m sure I’ll have a few more bumps. 

The only thing I can and will do is sit with the intention to write as often as possible, so that’s my plan.

How is your WIP? Let me know in the comments below.

Getting my Camp NaNoWriMo on.

Tags

cliff-hanger, Harmon's Plot Embryo, must read, NaNo Prep, NaNoWriMo, Novel drafting, Planning, plot points, story outlining

I’m doing it again. Trying to write a complete project in a month. But this go around, my word-count goal is so much smaller than my last four attempts at a measly 20k.

Yes, I just put measly before 20k, but on average I aim for 40-50k in a NaNoWriMo session, and I’ve only hit that goal twice.

Finally, I’m getting to work with my LOVING RED characters again. This one will be a prequel, outlining both Kaia’s background with Dev—the bear and ex—and the circus incident with the Scarlet Queen, whose just appeared in Ria’s world. I am so excited to continue this story thread. If you don’t know anything about the LOVING RED gang, their storyline jumpstarted with Facebook roleplaying…which is why many of my characters have their own profile pages.

Anyways, I don’t so much want to talk about their story (but I’ve done that here, here,  and here if you want to know more). Instead, I wanted to set y’all up for the NaNoWriMo advice and exercises I’m going to be throwing at you over the next few months.

Now is the time for planning…even though I may have outlined this story at the end of last year, it’s nice to review and remind myself what the hell I’ll be doing.

Originally, I used Harmon’s Plot Embryo to develop my ideas and create more symmetry in my stories. I tend to lean toward the cliff-hanger and don’t want to be a one-trick pony. My notes on that below, and an excellent YouTube post I took these notes from.

From this process, I teased out the major plot points and decided on an alternating point of view. Like in LOVING RED, I will use first person for Dev—as he is the character I created and played in roleplaying, and third person for Kaia, who was played by a close friend.

That let me create my current outline, which I’ll sneak peek right here.

For the rest of this month, I will be reading this over, working through details as best as I can, and will probably start the opening scene(s) before July hits. Yes, I know that’s cheating, but I’m doing this to get my first draft down, not to win anything. Besides, I play by my own rules!

And that’s it for now. I’m set up, finishing another story, hopefully giving myself a week break in between, and jumping in to this novelette.

Are you using the summer to complete some writing goals? Do you participate in NaNoWriMo? Let me know what you’re working on, what your goals are, how you plan to meet them, and if you want to hear about keeping on track, catching up, and adapting to real life as you craft.

Did You Know…An Ethology Lesson on Vampires.

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Alchemy, Crique Du Freak, designer drink, Dogma, Dracula, House of Night, The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, The Morganville Vampires, The Silver Kiss, vampires, War in Heaven

Vampires. I love talking about vampires. I have a ton of Did You Know…postsabout them, but if I’m honest, I’m not quite sure how the vampires in Lily’s world behave because she’s only had passing interactions with them.

Here’s what she knows so far:

Vampires and shapeshifters were strangely like their mythologies, but like not.

And they’re goth. Yup, that’s all they’ve given me so far.

In the spirit of the process—yes, I really just said that, hold back your cringing—I thought I’d work it out here.

My vampires so far have been fast, strong, and more animal than human. They’re derived from primordial gods with a lot of Roman and Greek influence. The gods in the Lily Graves series aren’t quite the same, shifting and satirizing the religion I grew up with—Catholicism.

Instead, I was thinking of a more traditional Dracula vampire—pale, romantic, dangerous type—mixed with typical teenager emo/goth. The inspiration comes from a few YA series, like The Morganville Vampires, The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, Cirque Du Freak, House of Night, and standalone, The Silver Kiss.

They all remind me of the distinct style that I’m flirting with, a shift that was both fun and terrifying for me as a writer. I like to dabble in the darkness, in the battle between sin and instincts, and of course, conformity. But I also like to kill off characters and smother them in sex…I couldn’t do that all willy-nilly as I’m typically inclined to because, yeah, young adult.

In any case, these guys are all way cooler than I was at that age. Smarter, too.

Wrap all of that up in dyed-black hair, white powder, thick eyeliner (for me it was sparkles), and dark lipstick. Let them have ridiculously weird inside jokes that feature llamas and bunnies and have banal taste in music.

Aim I painting the right picture here? Because this may hit a little too close to home. I once got accused of sacrificing babies and worshipping Marilyn Manson, but I loved the Backstreet Boys—and every single other boy band if I’m being really honest. Goth teeny bopper. Yup.

 

Okay, quirky picture drawn. Let’s move on.

I do know that I want them to have an aversion to sunlight. Does this mean tunnels or magic to get around town, and especially to school? I mean, they attend regular hours, so it must not make them that sleepy, right?

They obviously drink blood, but is it just human? Can they drink demon or angel or dragon, etc? Where do they get it? Blood-mobiles? Snatching up citizens? A designer drink? Volunteers? Man, the options are limitless. Maybe they’ve used Alchemy, which will be a growing element of the series as we dig deeper into Lily and Evan’s friendship.

It’s a start.

And religious symbols. Again, the possibilities… I love the Anita Blake series for the faith behind the object making it work, or the idea of the object needing blessed to work, like in Dogma. The one vampire I’ve had contact with painted a picture of Lucifer, so in a sense, he shouldn’t have an aversion to all religion.

This also relies on the heavy leans and leeways I’ve taken with the Biblical stories and mythologies—rather than the organized religion itself. I say this because I grew up with a lot of stories that other denominations went without, and some certainly were not anywhere in the books. I was raised as a Roman Catholic, in case anyone’s curious.

Let’s just say, I have a lot to play with: reasons for the differences between the god in the Old Testament and the one in the New Testament; why Jesus needed to come to Earth and die for our sins; and the real story behind the war in Heaven and what became of Lucifer.

I have a lot of nuances yet to figure out to say the least, but what I’ve discovered so far has me amped for book two. I can’t wait to plot it out at the end of the year.

 

 

Stay tuned for more mini-ethology lessons from Lily Graves’s world and sign up for an ARC of the first in her series, GIRL WITH THE GLOWING HAIR.

 

If you’re interested in knowing more about different kinds of vampires, check out my top five Did You Know…posts:

1. Did You Know…About the Scandinavian Vampire?
2. Did You Know…About the Chinese/Korean Vampire?
3. Did You Know…About the Mexican Vampire?
4. Did You Know…About the Aboriginal Vampire?
5. Did You Know…About the Ancient Roman Vampire?

 

Full Plate: A New Novel and Three Shorts.

Tags

anthology, brainstorming, call for submissions, dystopia, inspiration, martyrs, satire, The Writing Process, writer's workshop, YA

I’ve been talking about a lot of upcoming projects lately, THE SHOEMAKER’S APPRENTICE, coming this summer; GIRL WITH THE GLOWING HAIR, coming this winter; and my on-going writer’s workshop, officially launching in June via Patreon.

Well, I also have two anthologies coming this year, which means two more of my own stories, too, and neither of these are canon. The first will be in TRANSCENDENT, our Dreams, Nightmares, Visions, and Hallucinations anthology, whose cover is AMAZING! Thank you, Dean. The second is IN THE AIR, which is our new elemental anthology to go with ON FIRE and UNDERWATER. Coming next year, an earth-related call.

So, I wanted to set up my thoughts as I brainstorm my untitled TRANSCENDENT story.

Currently, I’ve dubbed it Sin-Eaters because that’s the base of my concept. I got this idea from one of my students, who wrote about being an Eater, or one who will do anything to succeed. They live for it.

My twisted brain went to satire and dystopia, two of my favorite niches. Think a more broken version of our world, where a select few become martyrs around puberty, typically eleven. These youth wander through cities, homeless but not hungry. They’re well respected and feared in the community. Their basic needs taken care of by the people they serve. All they have to do is eat their sins, literally consuming them and taking the karmic hit points rather than the sinner. This is why most of them die before they’re thirty.

As I plan to make this a serial, this first story will follow Jace as he meets his first female Eater, who’s running from the authorities. Soon after, he moves to the capitol and is dropped into a sick and twisted world where his life expectancy halves.

I’m unsure of the ending struggles, so I won’t pretend to know the specifics of where this is going, but I do know it will be dark. I don’t tend to write happy endings.

So, yeah. I hope you stay tuned as I write and edit for TRANSCENDENT, for the beautiful cover, and for the peeks into my new and repeat authors as they weave magical stories for us to enjoy.

What are you currently working on? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear about them.

POV: How to Fix Head Hopping

Tags

close third, editing advice, editing tips, head hopping, omniscient, POV shift, Sherrily Kenyon, writing advice, writing technique, writing tips

I had this post requested a while ago, and I couldn’t figure out how to put it into words at first. But as I’ve been writing lessons for a mentoring program I’m working on, I finally figured it out.

So here it goes.

First, head hopping is when we dip into more than one character’s POV in a single scene. This isn’t omniscient POV, but rather a switch between close-third perspectives.

Most editors advise against head-hopping because when we switch mid-scene, we’re not often warned that the change has occurred, and the reader is more likely to grow confused. My argument is that writers should do their best to structure of everything clearly so that the work happens in creating imagery out of language, and the reader can delve into the world instead of staying on the surface to decipher what’s happening and where.

Now, it’s been said that head hopping is more acceptable in romance and erotica because the relationship is more important than the characters individually. It helps increase tension to have access to both of their thoughts.

Do I write my romance/erotic fiction this way? No. I’m not convinced. I have seen romance writers do this successfully, like Sherrilyn Kenyon does in her Dark Hunter series, but overall, I’m not a fan of it. It confuses me too often, and I have a harder time connecting with a particular character.

So, with that out of the way, let’s talk about how we identify head hopping.

The best way to identify is to categorize, or color code, a first draft. It’s easiest to do this to a first draft so that you don’t waste time making the parts you cut and have to redraft pretty.

You can color code on a printed copy or in your word processer. Simply section highlight the parts of the story that dip into a character’s POV. This will be their internal thoughts/dialogue, the analysis of the scene or characters, and their opinions of/reactions to what’s happening in the story.

Here’s an example:

Jennifer rushed into the room, adrenaline numbing her legs and burning her lungs. The giant’s destructive footsteps didn’t shake this far into the farmland, yet.

Her hair fell from her ponytail as she swung the door closed and grabbed for everything she thought might be valuable on the move.

Frank didn’t know yet, that a giant fell from a beanstalk that’d grown overnight on the other side of the city, so he shook his head and poured another cup of coffee. What is she looking for?

Note how we’ve gone from inside of Jennifer—as she’s the only one who knows about the giant—to inside of Frank, who doesn’t understand why she’s rummaging through their stuff. There are several places where small tweaks can keep this in Jennifer’s POV.

Jennifer rushed into the room, adrenaline numbing her legs and burning her lungs. The giant’s destructive footsteps didn’t shake this far into the farmland, yet.

Her hair fell from her ponytail, teasing the corners of her eyes, as she swung the door closed and grabbed for everything that might be valuable on the move.

A giant fell from a beanstalk that’d grown overnight on the other side of the city.

Frank, her husband, shook his head and poured a cup of coffee in the small, attached kitchen. “What are you looking for?”

In this version, no one needs to tell us that Frank doesn’t know about the giant, we can see that he doesn’t by his external reaction to her. The rest is a reflection of Jennifer’s reaction to her situation: she saw the giant; she’s freaked out; she’s searching; she places who Frank is for us; and she hears him ask the question.

This creates clarity for the reader to experience the situation rather than being told about it, another reason to stay in POV. Readers like to put the pieces together because they’re smart.

Another clue of a POV shift is description. If the character is describing themselves physically, we’ve shifted out of their POV. The camera-effect shifts us into the omniscient perspective. We can’t see ourselves, except in mirrors, and that’s often a cliché technique.

This may be a pesky task the first few times you try it, but seeing a draft in colors rather than chapters helps separate us from the story to see its parts.

Once you have the whole thing color-coded—or the parts you’ve identified as problematic—see what color is most present in the scene/chapter. That’s likely the POV character for that scene and the rest should shift to his or her perspective. Some of it may not make it. If it’s an important detail, find another way to include it—dialogue, a new scene in the other character’s POV, some prop that can provide the information needed.

Sometimes, all you need to do is split a scene in two and allow more than one character to describe what’s going on and fill in the gaps. I often like the tension that comes in a mid-scene cut to the other perspective. It’s a nice trick to use every now and again.

Well, there’s my opinion and advice.

How do you identify and/or fix head hopping? When do you feel like it works or doesn’t work? Got any questions? Let me know in the comments below.

The Woes of Retitling Works-in-Progress

Tags

Buffy, how to title your novel, Lucifer's Daughter, Paranormal high school, Parody, satire, title generator, Twilight, writing advice, YA Paranormal

So, I still don’t have an official title for my new novel—the one I’m almost done writing, the one that is separate from my other series, the one that reeks of parody and satire.

When I started the Lily Graves Series, I was ripe with references to other paranormal high school books, tv shows, movies…Buffy, Twilight, Harry Potter…and mixed them with other fantasy, mythological, and religious references, like Snow White, Supernatural, Adam & Eve, Lucifer, and the War in Heaven.

This book is choking on lore and creatures. I’ve grouped them into thirteen general categories: Angels, Demons, Gods, Chimera, Shifters, Elementals, Fey, Ghosts, Muses, Reapers, Vampires, Witches, and The Law. They all break down further, and that’s part of the fun. Lily Graves is the new REP-agent-in-training, and she’s only fourteen. Product of Lucifer and a top-notch geneticist, she’s tasked herself with learning the intricacies of the new social hierarchy she’s been dumped into.

Cue the snark and teenage angst. Lily is witty and can throw a quip as well as she can kick her soccer ball, but she has no idea how to control the arch angel power eager to escape her. Then pair her with a power-tripping demon mentor, Adam, who’s made sarcasm and punishing students an Olympic sport. Add her two besties: the teenage version of my husband, Evan—a leather-clad, evil genius with a pet dragon and a strange sense of moral and intellectual superiority; and Starr, the glamourous Snow White whose desperate to be taken seriously as a smart young woman rather than a bombshell with breeding.

I have so many other fun characters, like Thorn—*coughs* Spike.

See, we’re all just having fun here.

Now, I should really figure out what to name this thing. I might need some help…

 

The Officially Almost Completed Back Cover Blurb

Lily is the daughter of Lucifer, a mother she’s never met.

When she’s laughed off the soccer field, Lily’s delivered to her FBI uncle and a new, paranormal, high school where she’ll be trained to keep other creatures in line.

Gaining few allies under the thumb of her obsessive mentor, she struggles to prove that something more is going on in their little town than the anyone wants to admit.

If you like the innocence of Twilight, the snark from Buffy, and the wit of the Lunar Chronicles, you’ll be engrossed by Alisha Costanzo’s new dark and satirical YA series.

Read Lucifer’s Daughter and fall into a world worse than hell—welcome back to high school.

 

As you can see at first, I was thinking Lucifer’s Daughter, but other authors have published that book in the time since I announced its name, so I’m brainstorming again…

The Amateur Sleuth

or

The Girl with the Glowing Hair

Want to help me decide? Comment below or vote on my facebook poll.